Endless Tears
by DiAnna44
Summary: Lucy dies. From her POV as an after life story. How's everyone dealing with it, and what can Lucy do to fill their hearts again? How's Natsu handling after losing his best friend? Can she help even if she's gone forever? Dry Humor, Tragedy, and some after Romance. Story split into 6 parts. R & R!
1. Part 1

**Part. 1:**

I did always wonder what would happen after I died, but I honestly didn't think I'd be seeing the reality so soon.

I had woken up just a couple of minutes ago, and I was outside lying down on the cold, wet grass. It was actually pretty disgusting. When I finally stopped blinking, I noticed I was at some sort of gravesite and that there were a _lot_ of people here.

When I looked even closer, I had noticed that it was everyone I knew from Fairy Tail.

There was Erza, Levy, Gajeel, Gray, Romeo, Wendy, Cana, Lisanna, Mira, Natsu, etc.

However, when I had looked closer I noticed something else too.

They were all crying.

They were wearing black too.

So, obviously I had looked around to see if I knew whose funeral this was, but I couldn't really see much or even hear very well…and that's when it hit me.

It was _me_.

_I_ was the one who…_died. _

The memory came back in an instant flash of a bright light and a scream, but that was it really…that's all I remembered before I woke up here.

I had shaken my head and tried to convince myself that this must all be a bad dream, but something in my gut told me it was real and it was actually happening right now, so here I sat…on my tombstone watching my friends cry and talk about all of our wonderful memories.

However, it was Natsu who intrigued me the most. He hadn't moved once since he got here, I believed, or at least I hadn't _seen_ him move, but I've been staring at him almost the entire time, so I would have seen him move if he did.

He was just staring at the tombstone with an expression that haunted me.

He just looked…_broken._

I didn't like it at all.

I glanced down at my tombstone and before I knew it, the tears were falling.

_Why did it have to be like this? __**Why?!**__ What did I do to suffer this, and what did __**they**__ do to suffer this?!_

I looked back up at the sky, as the tears continued to flow.

_Why wasn't I in Heaven? Or __**something**__ like that?! Why was I forced to watch my friends suffer, and why were they forced to suffer?! __**WHY?!**_

I looked back at my friends with a longing look. I couldn't really hear them, but I figured I could imagine what they were saying, but it was strange…at first I heard them, and even saw them pretty clearly, but now…it's like they're a blur.

_Maybe it's me? Maybe I don't __**want**__ to hear them or see them, so I'm blocking them out?_

That _was_ a possibility, however strange it sounded…I shook my head and got down from the tombstone. I waked towards Master first and gave him a small hug, I assumed, when he was saying my eulogy.

After that, I walked around to each and every one of my friends and hugged them, while the tears continued, but I saved _him_ for last.

When I finally reached Natsu, I stood right in front of him, and smiled as if he could really see me. Then, I reached out and I hugged him as tightly as I could even manage for a dead person. However, it wasn't a small, fleeting hug. No. I gave him a long, real hug as I sobbed into his shoulder.

He just stood there, not aware that I was hugging him in the after life, not like he should really know…he would probably try until the ends of the world to try and "bring me back", which was impossible.

However, when I finally let go of him, and walked back towards my tombstone, I noticed his eyes change as a spark lit up in them. He reached out his hand unconsciously, and I heard him mutter,

"Lucy…come back to me…"

The tears came again and I turned away.

I screamed out in pain as my breath drew in, and I fell to the ground.

I guess the pain and shock had finally hit me…

My head and body was on fire as I sobbed and sobbed into the ground, cursing myself for my bad luck to die so early in life. I started to think about all of the things I never got to accomplish in life such as finishing a book, or getting married to a nice man who loved me deeply, like in those romance novels I've read so many times.

_Why?!_

Memories coursed through me as I remembered the first time I met Natsu, and him taking my hand to guide me towards Fairy Tail, my soon to be home back then.

_Why?!_

Another memory of when Natsu first called me his friend up in those god-awful-cold mountains.

_Why?!_

I screamed again as I remembered when I first met Gray and Erza, who I had awe for immediately, well maybe just a little creeped out by Gray.

_Why?!_

My body trembled as I saw Erza step up to put some flowers on my grave as she cried silent tears, which made me remember when she was happy and laughing just by hanging out with all of us…

_Why?!_

There was no one to hold me. There was no one here now to comfort me, like all of my friends had done so many times before…there was no one…not Erza…not Gray…

_Why?!_

Not…Wendy…not Cana…not Mira…not Lisanna…not Elfman…not Macao…

_Why?!_

There wasn't Romeo…Happy…Master…Gajeel…Juvia…hell even _Laxus_…Freed…Bickslow…Evergreen..._Levy_…Jet…Droy…

_Why?!_

The tears came faster as they poured down endlessly.

_Why?!_

There's no Loke…Carla…Pantherlily…Reedus…Alzack…Nab…Bisca…_damnit!_

_Why?! Why?! Why was it like this?!_

The tears came down harder, and my sobs became more choked. It shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't be like this! I have no one…there's no one…there's no one…

_There's no Natsu._

**_WHY?!_**

My sobs became more forced as I knelt there in the cold wind on the cold ground as I watched Levy walk up to my tombstone and place a book and a bouquet of flowers besides all the others.

**_WHY DAMNIT?! WHY?!_**

...

I'm not sure how long I was there crying and crying thinking about the life I could've had…but when it started becoming dark, people began to leave while their tears still continued on as well.

I just cried harder, so I barely noticed Natsu walk up to my tombstone and sit there right in front of it. I looked up at him from behind him, sniffing horribly.

I saw him reach his hand forward to place against the rock that now represented me.

I stood up, curious about what was going on exactly, so I walked so that I now faced him.

He was…crying, and I'm not even sure if he even knew that he was.

He bent over and sobbed into the ground, while screaming.

I cried too, and I knelt besides him, and hugged him close. He would always be in my heart, and even if he didn't know that, I would be here close to his heart, to make sure it never suffered this again.

That was my vow as he shivered from his broken sobs that he was making.

For him…I wanted to listen, and as those thoughts remained in my head, I could hear his every movement.

He was crying…so much and so broken. I reached up and wiped away the tears that were already threating to continue to fall.

_No. I have to be strong for Natsu…even if he doesn't know I'm here…I have to be strong. _

I forced my tears away and simply held him, as his whole body shook from his heartbroken sobs.

He was broken, and it was my fault.

I looked back up at the sky, looking for a sign of hope, but there wasn't any.

**_Why is it like this?_**

I just glanced back down at my broken best friend crying in the arms he didn't know were there. I tried to smile for him, but it was pained as I leaned down and rested my head against his.

That's when the traitor tears started to fall once more, and there we were, together, and crying, both and utterly alone on each side, yet both just as broken as the other.

I closed my eyes and took it in, soaking in the unknown embrace between us.

"Natsu…I'm so so sorry," I whispered in his ear, pretending that he could hear me.

Natsu shivered again as his sobs continued to be the only sound in the graveyard.

Just as I was about to unlatch myself, I heard him mutter something between choked sobs.

"Lucy…I'm so so sorry."

I leaned down and took his face in my hands, even though his face didn't move, I leaned in again and whispered shakily,

"I know Natsu. I know."

Once again, there we were, sobbing in the embrace of those who were gone from us.

_Natsu…_

_"Lucy…"_

The tears just continued to fall.

* * *

**_*Geez. Why did I write this? It's really sad, isn't it? I'M SORRY! And yet again, I AM SO SORRY for not updating other stories…it's just I was in the mood for tragedy and ALL of my other stories are happy, funny stories, and it's just that…it's not really been the week for that for me (I've had a sad week...), so sorry…well this is going to be split into parts; how many…I'm not too sure, but probably around 3-7 parts. I hope you enjoyed this, well no because it's really sad…well anyways…review? o.O_**

**_P.S. I'm much better at romantic comedies type of stories...so sorry if this sucks. O.O_**


	2. Part 2

**Part. 2:**

Fairy Tail has never been less lively. That was the only way to describe the eerie silence that loomed over the guild just three days after my funeral.

I sat there, at my usual barstool, which I also happened to notice no one got near, as I watched the place I used to laugh with all of my friends.

_Why was I forced to watch this? Why was I still __**here?**_

However, the ones who were the most affected by my death were Gray, Erza, Wendy, Happy, and of course…Natsu.

It was Natsu, however, who hit me in the heart the most.

He didn't even show up at the guild for the first two days after my funeral, and he only returned to get a job that he just randomly ripped off of the request board, and left just as quickly as he was there, ignoring all the looks given to him.

_I just wish…I just wished that I could find some way to talk to him. _

That was impossible, though…it would simply never be.

I still couldn't remember _how_ I died, but I did remember almost everything except that one day. That one day where I had to be taken from all of my friends, and the only place I ever felt truly at home.

Being dead was…weird. I didn't sleep, I didn't use the restroom, and I looked exactly the same no matter what I did, and I only knew that because on the day of my funeral I had gone into a fit of anger after Natsu left and had somehow managed to actually _rip _half of my hair out, but soon after it regrew, and even went back into it's original position and hairstyle.

I had gotten so frustrated that I broke down into tears, and cried my heart out for hours and hours.

I let a small sigh escape my lips, as I saw Erza staring at her strawberry cake like it was haunted. She didn't even blink, and Wendy, who was besides her, was still in the crying stage. Gray was sitting down two stools down from me staring at his drink, while Happy was crying silently with Mira.

_I hated every bit of it._

I just wanted to shout out that I was here, watching over them, and that they should be happier…but even if I could, they wouldn't be happy…I was _dead_.

No one was even talking. The only people who _were_ actually_ trying_ to say something were Erza and Master, but the first time Master tried talking to the guild to cheer up, he had broken down into tears and retired to his room, without even a glance.

Erza only tried to speak when she wasn't being solemn, but just a few sentences after speaking, she would give up, and go back to mind-numbing, pointless staring.

It was still Natsu who was the worst, and he was also the one who everyone tried the most to cheer up, but he didn't even _acknowledge_ their existence.

A few times when he would walk in to grab another request, he would stand there, and just stare at my direction, the place that I always sat with that broken expression that I see every day now.

_It hurts. It hurts so much!_

Was I supposed to do something? I wasn't very sure, but I finally just concluded that I was still here _because_ of something, right?

Another sigh came and left, and almost as soon as it did, Natsu suddenly barged in, from the third quest he completed _today_.

I watched as he rushed over to where the request board was, but this time, he scanned it.

He looked over them all carefully, as if studying every aspect when the entire guild and I all saw him stiffen.

He ripped one of the requests down and stared at in his hands for a few seconds, not even noticing all of us staring at him.

_What was the request…?_

Suddenly, he crumbled up the piece of paper and slammed it against the wall in a fury.

We all stared at him, shocked out of our minds, but it's what he did next that surprised us all. He had gotten down onto his knees and he started to sob, just like the other day at my funeral, but this time…he was sobbing in front of everybody.

He kneeled there as the guild watched him cry and cry, screaming my name, and soon enough, almost everybody in the entire guild was crying as well.

I guess seeing my best friend cry over his dead best friend does that to you.

It did it to me too.

The tears started to come down as I stood up and sprinted over to Natsu. I leaned down as well, so that I could stare at him face-to-face and I hugged him.

Of course, he didn't feel me or sense me at all, but I wanted to believe that he could.

_I just wanted to believe_…

It was almost exactly like that day of my funeral….he just cried dry, broken sobs, muttering and screaming my name over and over again, while the just-moments-ago-silent guild was crying their eyes out as well.

As I held onto him, I reached out one of my hands and tried to read the request, and I was lucky because apparently Natsu sucks at crumpling up paper, because I could almost read the entire thing.

That's when I saw it and I understood why he suddenly broke down…

_Why Natsu? **Why** did you have actually **read** the requests this time?_

Those thoughts pounded in my head, as I stared at the request, with the broken Natsu in my arm. There, at the very top of the request, were probably some of the worst words to tell anybody in this guild right now, including me.

**Celestial Mage Needed! **

**Preferences: Under 21, Pretty, and either a blonde or brunette. **

**Talents: Must be able to dance and must be able to dine formally.**

I couldn't read any more, because almost right away, Natsu had somehow managed to grab a hold of it, and he burned it to ashes.

I looked down at him, and he seemed to have stopped crying as much, as he stood up, almost falling back over, and stood there, still for a moment.

I stood up too, and the thoughts of the request came back to me.

_It was the perfect job for me…_

I wiped my tears away, as Natsu still stood there. He was staring at the guild; or more like the crying guild.

I wondered what he was thinking.

Was he thinking about memories? Was he thinking about me? Was he thinking that the reason the guild is crying is _because_ of me? _What was he thinking?!_

However, his expression gave no answers to my unspoken questions that lingered over and over again in my mind.

I reached for his hand, but he had suddenly taken a step forward. The guild looked up, when they noticed he was no longer crying. I could see all of their glistening tears that still remained on their cheeks, and some were still crying.

Natsu grimaced, and glanced over at my barstool with that broken expression once more.

_I really hated that expression. _

I looked up, as if there was an answer up there, and thought with all of my will.

_Please… please… take away that expression. Take it away! I just want to see him **happy!** I want to see him laugh like he used to do with me all of the time. I want to see him get mad, sad, frustrated, and even sick! _

_I just want him to be him! I want him to not cry anymore, and I want him to live on….still remembering me, but not letting it weight down on him anymore... I want him to **live**_**. **

More tears started to fall, as I noticed Natsu clench his fists, and storm over to my chair. I was frozen; I could not move at all. It was hitting me all over again…like a wrecking ball hitting my heart. That's what it felt like, and oh did it hurt.

It hurt so much that I wanted out. I just wanted to leave, so I wouldn't have to see those expressions anymore…

_Was that selfish?_

It probably was, but this pain…why does it exist? Why did I have to die so early, and leave nothing but heartbreak and happy memories behind me?

_WHY?!_

I looked back up, as the tears just continued to fall endlessly.

I thought of the guild, and what they've all done for me, and I thought of all of the people we've helped.

_Such wonderful memories…such wonderful times of laughter, pain, sadness, worry, and happiness…even if it was **so, so** hard at times…I don't think….I don't think I've ever experienced something worse that what I was experiencing at this very moment. _

_It was like fire….cold, burning fire, that was hitting me with tiny needles with the force of that same wrecking ball that continues to pound and pound on my heart._

_This pain...this pain should not exist in this world. The thought of knowing that you are dead. That you are gone, no longer living, **removed** from the world in which you lived in. _

It was even worse, because I was still here. I was still on this miserable world, but as someone nonexistent. I was someone who was considered no longer living, an aspect which you cannot truly understand until you are dead yourself.

_When I talk… I am not heard. When I laugh… there is no laughter that joins in. When I cry… there's nobody to comfort me and tell me that it'll get better. When I'm angry or even frustrated… where's that someone who'll be with me the whole way through?_

**_Gone._**

_I don't exist anymore, yet I do… I exist only in their minds, and I exist as a roaming ghost who walks this world, forever alone._

_Now, doesn't that sound so melodramatic? _

I tried to think of happier things, but my mind was filled with pain. I glanced back down at Natsu who was now standing right in front of my chair, with an impassive expression on his face.

It was Erza who stood up and walked over to him. She put a hand on his shoulder, to show comfort, but he shrugged it away, flinching away from her touch. Erza withdrew, and sat back down, as a few tears slipped out.

I tried, and I mean tried really hard to stop the tears that wouldn't end, but even as I walked back towards where I had been sitting at in the first place, they just continued on.

Natsu had reached out, and he was now touching the very chair that seemed to be revered now in my one and always home, and I walked up to him and lightly did the same as Erza.

My hand rested on his shoulder for just a bit, until he stiffened ever so slightly.

I withdrew my hand, and I heard him let out a breath, that I think that _he_ didn't even realize that he was holding.

_What was that? Maybe he somehow felt me, or maybe he can see me!_

I quickly entered his view range, but he gave no indication that he saw me.

The quick sliver of hope that I had just felt, disappeared as quickly as it did before.

I sighed loudly, and decided to sit down in my chair.

_What was the point of even trying? They can't see me! They can't hear me! They can't even sense my presence! There was absolutely no point of trying… oh geez, here they come again. _

Once again, the tears that I hadn't realized had stopped, started to make their way down my cheek and fall to the ground.

So there I was, sitting in my chair, invisible to everybody, as the guild either cried or watched Natsu stroke my chair in a daze.

I didn't even think he was all that aware that he was even doing it…

Suddenly, I felt him reach forward and do something completely strange. He was hugging me, and he buried his face in my neck.

I know that he couldn't see me or feel me, so what was going on?

I noticed the guild members all stiffen out of shock, as I already did.

What did this look like? It probably looked like a pink-haired, hopelessly lost boy, hugging air, which so happened to be me.

What was so strange about it though, was that he was hugging me perfectly. His head was exactly in the right place, and his hands held my hair.

_It's almost like he **could** sense me, but… but that's impossible. _

I had stopped crying, once more, and when I felt him bury himself further into my shoulder and neck, he whispered something that changed everything I thought.

"Lucy…there you are."

* * *

**_*Well this was depressing to write….geez, I felt like crying…and I'm the writer! I hoped you liked it, and sorry about leaving it in a cliffy! o.O_**

**_Please leave the thing called a review, and keep reading!_**

**_Well…now I'm going to go eat finally. ;) See ya!_**


	3. Part 3

**Part 3:**

My whole body stiffened.

_W-what did he just say?_

"N-Natsu…wha—?"

His grip on my tightened, and he continued to whisper ever so softly in my ear.

"Lucy…you're here right? I-I can sense you somehow…and maybe…even if you're not…then well I'll keep believing in my instincts even if it's all a lie, b-but I know…I know you're here. Your presence…a-and your smell…it's like it's fresh right in this spot. So…I'm just gonna hope you're here right now, listening to every small word I say."

_W-what was going on? Could he see me… no… he just said he could __**sense**__ me, but what does that mean? How __**"extreme"**__ are these senses?_

I wrapped my arms around him, and leaned in, placing my head on his shoulder.

He stiffened ever so slightly, and he seemed as if he was about to say something, but Happy broke in,

"Natsu…w-what are you doing?" he asked, flying towards us. Natsu glanced around him, noticing the guild staring at him with wide, shocked eyes. Natsu turned to look in my direction again, holding that damn look again. The look where he seemed lost, and utterly helpless.

_I **really** hated that look. _

He let go of me, and stood up suddenly, before facing the guild once more. I noticed Mira take a step forward, and grab Natsu's arm to lead him away. She was frowning, and appeared to be holding back tears.

However, before Natsu disappeared out the guild doors, he turned around once more, and said loudly and clearly, so that even the guild could hear him, but I know that he was talking solely to me.

"Just don't leave, all right? I won't be happy if you do, okay?" He gave a smile, and followed Mira out of the guild. I assumed she would take him home, and let him rest for a bit. She was the motherly type after all.

The rest of the guild, however, was in silence. It was Wendy who broke it first.

"What did he mean?"

"Who knows…he barely makes sense these days anyways, and I mean…I understand why…" Gray said, shrugging and looking down at his feet.

I, however, was trying to control the happiness and sadness that wanted to explode from me.

_He could see me! Wait. No… he could sense me! He knew I was here! Or I mean… at least **suspected** it, but damnit. I kind of don't want him to know I'm here because I'm dead so… damnit! Why am I still here?! Why… why can't I just leave?_

Damnit. I really hate when I start asking myself all of these stupid ass mind questions which are so _obviously _not going to be answered…damnit.

_Okay… okay he told me to not leave, which I can obviously do since I can't leave this planet! Why wasn't there a heaven or something that I could go to? Ugh… again with all of the mind questions… damnit. Then, what do I do while I'm here? Just do what I did before? Listen to my friends not talk and cry over my tragic death, that for some stupid reason I can't remember. _

_Well that just doesn't sound like my type of gig…_

I put my head in my hands, suddenly stressing out over who-knows-what.

"What do you think that was all about?" Macao asked, breaking my concentration.

I looked up at him, and then glanced around at my guild, searching for their responses.

"It might be a way of coping…" Wendy muttered, looking down as she trailed off into a small whisper.

I noticed Erza shake her head, as if she was thinking hard about something before she finally said,

"No that's not it. You didn't notice how he suddenly became a little well… _happier_. Also, he seemed to be _talking_ to somebody…Lucy!"

The guild fell into another silence when Erza said my name.

_Has she figured it out?! Hopefully… wait no. That's too selfish of me—I know that if they somehow know that I'm here then they'll probably try and well… bring me back, or act like it's all normal to have a dead me in the guild, which I really don't want… b-but I do want them to see me! Damnit! _

_This is frustrating!_

"Do you mean that Lucy could be here right now or something?!" Gray demanded, breaking the eerie silence. Almost immediately all silence was broken as soon as Erza nodded at his question.

_So… so she did kind of figure it out…_

I just stayed seated in my chair as the guild started moving around as if they were looking for me. Suddenly it was Levy who stated and quite loudly at that,

"Wait! Wasn't Natsu hugging the area where Lucy used to sit at?!"

Everyone in the guild turned towards me, and it was Erza who started to walk towards me at first. I couldn't move; I was frozen from shock that they figured it out so quickly… Levy, Erza why do you have to be so smart?! Erza was staring straight at me, with searching eyes.

I still couldn't move.

"…Lucy? Are…are you there?" she asked, so softly and so hopefully that damnit _again _the tears started to fall.

I tried shaking my head, as if that was going to help anything, and I put my head in hands and sobbed. Erza still stood there as she leaned in so slowly, and I felt her hug me, although not as accurately as Natsu, so she still might not be able to see me or sense me…

"Lucy? Are you really here or is this just us being paranoid and hopeful mixed into one?" she asked, just as softly from before. I couldn't respond. I was too busy sobbing, and even if I _did_ respond…it's _hopeless!_

_Hopeless…_

_Utterly hopeless…_

Erza shook her head, and let go of me, letting me breathe more calmly as I sobbed into my hands. I vaguely saw her get up and walk over to everyone in the guild to give all of them hugs.

"Well?!" Gray demanded.

Erza shook her head, and simply said,

"I couldn't sense anything, but that could just be me. You should try…"

The sobs shook my whole body after that was said.

_She couldn't sense me…why…why…what should I be feeling right now… I need an answer… I need… comfort… am I selfish for that…?_

And so they all took turns hugging at me, all not fitting perfectly in my arms like Natsu, and all of them shaking their heads in a disappointed sadness.

They weren't really helping my sobs either, because after each one, I would just cry harder.

Finally, after the last person hugged me, which was Wendy, the whole guild basically went back into its reverie of gloom.

It was just…depressing.

And it seemed that all I could really do was cry.

_Will it be like this my entire after life? Me crying? Why…why am I still here?! Why… damnit… why… can't I just **leave?!**_

_Why?_

"Lucy."

I looked up and found myself face-to-face with none other than…Mavis? She was looking up at me with a small smile, and she was holding out a hand to me.

I took it, and I didn't ask any questions as she slowly led me out of the guild.

When we got outside, we walked a few steps forward before she stopped, turned around, and faced the guild. She glanced over at me, still holding that small smile on her face.

"Lucy," she said again.

I nodded and finally asked what she seemed to be waiting for.

"Mavis…w-why am I still here? I'm d-dead aren't I, so shouldn't I be gone?" I asked, staring at her. Her smile faded a little, but she still kept it on as she slowly nodded, and glanced back towards the guild.

"Lucy, what do you see?"

I glanced at Fairy Tail and only word came to my mind.

"Home," I stated softly. Mavis nodded, pleased and in agreement.

"Exactly Lucy. _Home_. Fairy Tail is your home, and even if you want to leave, there's a part of you deep, deep down inside that knows that if you leave now, well you'll be homesick Lucy," she said.

I just nodded, as I gave a forced, sad smile. I looked back at the guild and then back at Mavis, who was still staring at me.

"Mavis… how did I die?" I asked.

She smiled that sad smile again, and looked away, not answering.

"I can't tell you that Lucy. If I tell you now then… then it won't work out. You have to stay for just a little longer okay? When you're ready to know, then it will come to you, but right now…a certain few need you right now…well more like a _someone_," she said.

_A someone? Does… does she mean Natsu?_

"Natsu?" I asked, as my gaze returned back to the guild.

No response.

I glanced back towards her only to find that she was gone.

I reached out my hand in her place, and found nothing but air.

"Mavis?" I asked, hesitantly.

There was nothing except the echo of the word "home" over and over again, which continued to repeat over and over again in my mind.

She was right.

Fairy Tail…it's my home.

_Home._

_She said that I would be homesick if I left. What did that mean? I'm homesick **now**, so wha—it doesn't make much sense, but I feel as if I know exactly what she was talking about. _

_She was right. _

_There is a certain somebody who needs me. _

_I'll do everything to help him be happy again. _

_I'll do everything to get rid of that look. _

_That awful… that awful, hopeless look that resides in his eyes. _

_It just needs to… _

_disappear. _

_Natsu…you idiot. _

_Always causing trouble, aren't you?_

I looked down at my feet, smiling secretly, as I walked back into Fairy Tail, or well…

_home_.

* * *

**_*Aww… well that was kind of a little happier right? Aww IDK. Yeah. I put Mavis in this chapter, and this time she was like how I kind of imagine her to be when she isn't being so cheerful and silly. And don't you just wonder how Lucy died…hehe…and let's see what's going to happen with Natsu! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and you could show me that you did by that little thing called a review! ;)_**

**_Oh and pwease, pwease take my poll…okay bai now. Keep reading!_**

**_-DiAnna44 :)_**


	4. Part 4

**Part 4:**

"Natsu… you're back. Are you…ermm…okay?" Erza asked, breaking my concentration on what I should do. I looked up and watched as my best friend walked in, with his gaze fixed on the same spot I had just been earlier before. After Mavis had…_left_ I had come back in and just sat back down to watch the guild try and cope.

I am seriously tired of this…I just want it all to end.

I started to think that if somehow I died in this form maybe I could leave, but that just brought up the conversation I literally had _fifteen_ minutes ago with Mavis on how Natsu needs me.

_Natsu needs me._

I_ have_ to get rid of that look that haunts his face.

I am so tired of that as well…I sighed as Natsu started to walk towards my spot. He sat in the chair next to me, still keeping his gaze on me. I could see his eyes. They were searching for me with a _hopeful_ look in his eyes this time…instead of that _hopeless_ look that I seriously hate.

He continued to search for what I assumed…well _me_ until he smiled widely and glanced back at Erza who had asked that earlier question, which had practically announced him to me.

"Yeah Erza…I think I might be fine, but…I really do miss her, ya know?"

The whole guild fell until a hush of silence just like how I stiffened. I understood why they became so quiet…it was the first time since he openly said that he missed me and another statement where he practically confirmed that…that I was _gone._

It was the first time any of us had really heard him well… _admit_ it.

"Yeah…we all miss her too…flame brain…" Gray agreed, breaking the silence. Almost instantly, everyone in the guild nodded simultaneously.

"Hey everyone?" Natsu asked, pushing the guild back into its silence. He was just so quiet and solemn that you had to listen. He didn't wait for a response either as he continued on.

"I think…I think that we should write letters to Lucy and read them out loud one day…kind of like a longer eulogy or something. Because I mean…what if she's still here? What if she can't move on until she hears good byes from every single one of us?" he asked.

Everyone, including me, was stunned into an even _more_ eerie silence.

Since when did Natsu get so…_thoughtful?_ And shouldn't it be _me_ that's helping _him?!_

"That sounds like a really good idea," Levy stated, speaking up. I glanced towards her, shocked that she was speaking at all. Since my death she has barely spoken, and now she actually spoke up in an awkward and stunned silence. Even more surprising was the fact that she kept speaking.

"I didn't get to say a few things to Lucy before she _left_ and what if Natsu is right? What if somehow…Lucy is still here, and maybe she needs to leave. I mean…I would like Lucy to still be here, but maybe…maybe that's just a selfish wish of mine…I really wish I could just speak to Lucy again, and if we did this…I kind of feel that maybe she would be listening," she said, before breaking off to cry.

How badly I wanted to say that yeah… I'm right here and I'll be able to hear every word. But…but I couldn't. I was stuck here, in this form, unable to leave, until I did _something._

How does one even cope with that tragic reality?

How was I still coping with it?

I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall, but suddenly I sensed Natsu lean towards me. I opened my eyes in shock and stared at him.

He was looking right at me.

"Don't worry Lucy… I…I think I know that you're here, or at least…I sense you. Honestly, I'm glad that you're here because if you weren't… I would be going insane right about now. But Lucy… you deserve to pass on, no matter how much I want you stay, but let's spend as much time together as possible, okay?" he asked, whispering.

Damnit.

Now I _knew_ more tears were coming.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and leaned into him, smelling him. He stiffened like last time, and I could feel him smile. I peeked up at him, and smiled too, ignoring the traitor tears.

"Okay," I whispered against his shirt.

"When should we hold this letter reading Natsu?" Mira asked loudly. Natsu glanced towards her as I clung onto him, smiling and crying.

"I think it should be tonight actually," he said. "I think that maybe in about five hours we should all get up on that stage and read our letters one by one, and put Lucy's chair in the middle of the audience so it would seem like we're reading to _her_, ya know?" he asked.

Everyone nodded.

"Okay so then it's settled. We'll read tonight," Erza stated.

Everyone nodded again.

As did I.

"Hear that L-luce…tonight, okay? Be there if…if you're even actually here," Natsu whispered, leaning into me slightly. I sniffed and nodded.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world Natsu…geez…I am such a crybaby, because you probably can't even hear me right now…isn't that just sad?" I muttered. He gave no response, but instead he stood up and started to walk off.

"I need to go write my letter now!" he exclaimed, pushing his hand into the air. Some people cheered and agreed just as enthusiastically but just as he was about to leave I saw him turn to glance at me again, and my whole body froze.

He walked out, but not before I determined that he…he had just been crying. I swear…I swear I saw tears on his face when he turned to look at me.

Oh Natsu…

I put my head down on the counter and sighed, watching everyone scurry around looking for paper. I also noticed Happy follow Natsu out, and I shortly wondered how their relationship was going.

_I just feel as if I have caused so much pain…_

_and damnit I still can't remember **how** and **why**!_

How did I die?

Why does it just seem like a big secret, and why didn't Mavis tell me anything more?

Where _was_ Mavis anyways?

She just… _disappeared. _

I sighed, closing my eyes, pressing my cheek against the cold wood.

I wonder how tonight was going to go…

…...

It was happening. It was actually happening. The letter reading was here. They had already moved my chair into the middle of the audience and here I sat, in it watching everybody clamber on stage. Every single one of them was holding a letter, and so many of them looked so solemn that I was seriously considering just ditching, but no…I needed to stay. I needed to hear this. More than that… I _wanted_ to.

"Are we ready?" the master asked, following everybody else as he got on stage. Apparently, he had heard about the reading, and instead of writing his own since he was the one who wrote my eulogy, he invited some others from the other guilds.

I'm still not sure how they all got here so fast, but well who cares, right?

"I think we are Master," Erza said, looking towards the others. They all agreed with her, and muttered their content.

"Who will go first?" Master asked.

"I think I want to go…" Wendy muttered, stepping forward, and then catching herself as she almost tripped. I smiled a bittersweet smile as she stood in front of the microphone and started to read.

"Dear Lucy…I miss you so much, b-but I know that you can't c-come back. You were like an older sister and you always supported me. You were always smiling, and even when you weren't, you managed to find a way to make sure others weren't suffering. I really loved you as one of the best friends I've ever had, and I _really _wish you were still here, b-but…b-but…I'm sorry, I can't go on…I…I h-h-have to get off…" she stopped talking as she ran off the stage, crying.

I was already crying. I had been ever since she said "I miss you so much".

"Okay my turn I guess," Gray said, as he walked forward.

I smiled as he started.

"Hey Lucy, I hope you're doing all right, because right now we're all going through hell. Lucy…like Wendy I miss you so much and I really wish that…that you didn't… _leave_, but we all know that you have and hell Luce…why'd ya have to leave so fucking early?! Why couldn't you have stayed, so that we could all go on missions again, and you'd find a way to complain about _something_ like _always. _You'd help out with Natsu, and me so we wouldn't fight, and you were the one who could always be so…fucking optimistic! Damnit Lucy, I wish you were here. I wish you didn't die. You were such an amazing person and I'm so glad that I met you. You were amazing Lucy," he finished.

Damnit. Now I'm _sobbing. _

I couldn't handle this. I can't handle this. This time it was Juvia who walked forward, and hell I could barely _hear_ her as she talked about me. Damnit. All I can hear is a thumping sound. What is that? Is that my _heart?!_ B-but I don't have a heartbeat! Damnit. The tears won't stop.

Juvia was done. This time it was Macao. He was crying through his smile as he talked, and I forced my eyes shut as everyone took turns.

"I miss you Lucy…"

"I wish you were still here…"

"You always made us laugh…"

"You were such an amazing friend…"

The words echoed in my ears, and I brought my legs up to my chest as I rested my chin in between my knees. Why couldn't I shut if off? This was torture. I didn't want to be the "dead friend". I looked up. Now it was Levy.

"—and we'd always fangirl over books. You never thought I was weak and it was so—"

No…_no._ Why did Natsu want this? Why did I want it?!

I just couldn't stop _crying_, and right now I was glad that they couldn't hear my broken sobs echo throughout the guild.

It wasn't fair!

It wasn't fair!

_It just wasn't **fair!**_

Damnit!

Levy had finished and I barely noticed that they were only like three people left. Now it was Hibiki up there. Damnit. I couldn't even hear him over my sobs, and everyone else's letters echoing in my head.

_Damnit. _

_Why couldn't I stop crying?!_

Hibiki had finished. Now it was Happy. He was_ sobbing_, just like me. Wait…who was left? I glanced to the right through me tears and saw it was Natsu.

Damnit.

I already knew his letter was going to _kill_ my heart. This pain…this loneliness…it was driving me _insane._

I loved every single one of them, but if I had known that I was going to die and watch the people I loved cry, I regret loving them.

No… _don't think like that. _

Without them…I would have still been miserable at my dad's. Maybe I would have already been married off to some forty-year old man who was supremely rich to keep the family business "going".

No.

_I will never regret coming here. I love Fairy Tail and I always will. Even if I'm… d-dead. _

Happy was finished and I watched as the whole guild fell silent as Natsu walked up. It was almost as if it were in slow motion as he crumbled his paper and opened it again. He looked up and focused his gaze right on me, making my whole body shake from more tears.

_No. Shut **up** Lucy. I want to hear what he says. **SHUT UP! STOP CRYING!**_

I did. I'm not sure how, but the tears went on hold.

I _had_ to hear what Natsu was going to say. He opened his mouth and he started. It was so quiet…everything stopped so I could hear what he was going to say.

"Hey Luce. You know what Luce? This is my fault. _I'm _the one who showed you this place and let you in. It was all _me_, and if it wasn't for me, you would still be _alive."_

_No no no no no... Natsu **stop** thinking like that!_

He laughed and continued on.

"You'd probably hit me though…if you caught me saying something like that. However…Lucy I am such a bad person."

_What?_

"Because I'm so _glad_ that I met you. Everything about you was so amazing. Your smile…it was beautiful. And even though you ate like a _pig_, no matter how much you _denied_ that you did, it always seemed to add better characteristics to you. Even though Happy and me would always sneak in, and though you said you _hated_ it, we knew you loved it. We did too. That's why we kept doing it. We always wanted to protect you Lucy. We knew what you had gone through as a child, but you were always smiling. You were so optimistic and that's a reason that we all loved you. Why _I _loved you."

"Yeah, that's right. I had fallen in _love_ with you, and even though my heart hurts so much right now, I don't regret falling in love with you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality, your eyes, your weird habits, your optimism, your _everything_."

You were just so _beautiful. _And every time you were hurt, it was hard to believe that _anyone_ wanted to hurt such an angel. I had to protect you. When you were crying, I wanted it to be _me_ that brought a smile back to your face. When you _were_ laughing, I wanted it to be _me_ that caused it. I wanted to be there throughout everything, and I wanted it to be _me_ who you told everything to."

I just loved you so much, and because of it, it feels as if right now my heart is _burning. I feel as if my heart has died, and that it's **broken. **I just want you to be here so much Lucy. _I want to feel your hugs again, and I want to see those beautiful brown eyes of yours. I want to smell you and I want to hear your crazy-ass screeching when I come in through the window. I want to sleep besides you again and I want to be the cause of that blush you always wore. I wanted to do so much more with you, and even though I played stupid about some things, I wanted to maybe even _marry you_, I mean…if you would accept me."

And no matter how much I wanted all of these things, you were the one who protected me in the end. You were the one who saved _my_ life, and I feel as guilty as _hell_. Why couldn't it be me who protected you? Why did you have to die doing the very thing I was _living_ for, because hell Lucy! Now I don't know what to live for! What the hell do I do now besides making you smile and making you feel safe?! What?! DAMNIT LUCY WHAT DO I DO?!"

I just feel so lost right now, but I'll try Luce, and I mean _really **try** _to smile again, but right now…I can't. I can barely even manage a _fake_ smile! You had always been there for me, and hell I do think that you're still here, forced to watch us, so I did this to show that we were _always_ there for you. It's just…you were such an amazing person Lucy, and sometimes I could have been the densest idiot alive, but I had known you for almost five years until you…_died. _But it doesn't matter if you died in person, because you're always going to be here. In our _hearts. In our souls."_

_**You will always be here**_, and **_we will never forget you. I will never forget you. _**I love you Lucy and I will miss you for my entire life. Bye now," he finished.

The world has stopped turning. My breathing has stopped. Nothing mattered to me except what Natsu just said. He had said so much…he loved me?! That little idiot, I loved him too! Damnit. Why was it like this?! And he said that I died protecting him?

Did I?

I closed my eyes.

Oh yeah…_now_ I remember.

I _remember everything._

**_Great _**_timing._

* * *

**_*Hi how are you? Are you crying? Are you sad? How about that cliffy? How did that make you feel? Well I think that either the next chapter is going to be the last one or either the one after that. I am so glad you are reading this tragedy, and I hope that you are enjoying it as much as I am writing it. Thank you for reading and damnit, leave a review! I love you guys._**

**_Bai guys._**

**_-DiAnna44 ;)_**

My FanFiciton Twitter Account:** /TheDiAnna44#**

My FanFiction Facebook Page- ** DiannaFanFictionWriter**


	5. Part 5

**Part 5:**

_I bit my lip nervously as I watched Natsu, Happy, and Erza walk away. I wasn't sure why, but as they were walking, all I could feel was a sense of dread come over me. I wonder why…?_

_"Lucy? You coming?" Gray asked, breaking my thoughts. I turned towards him and placed a smile on my face. _

_"Yeah. Let's go," I said. _

_The mission was simple. _

_Destroy the dark guild. _

_Get in, fight, and then get out. Simple, and the guild only had about six members, so they definitely wouldn't be hard, but still…why was I so scared?_

_I didn't understand, but right now, Erza had come up with the idea that we had to split up and look for them. She was with Natsu and Happy while I was with Gray, and when we found the guild's hideout then we would go find each other. After that we would make a plan and then defeat them. We could easily do it. _

_That's all I had to go on though… that it would be easy. I mean why wouldn't it be? All three of them are super strong, and I guess I'm okay… I shook my head, frustrated. _

_Gray had stopped walking, and I almost bumped into him, but he made no comment. He was staring at something intently. I followed his gaze. Almost fifty feet away, we saw a large tree, which looked pretty much dead. However, there was this aura surrounding it that suggested that it wasn't only just a dead tree. _

_"Gray…what's th—"_

_"Shh," he cut me off. "Go find Natsu and the others," he continued on. I blinked slowly, and glanced back at the tree. Is that the hideout? I squinted and faintly saw a doorway into the tree. I nodded, affirming the situation. _

_"Okay. I'll be back soon," I agreed, before wandering back to where the others were. _

_I followed the path back, humming to myself. That feeling in the pit of my stomach was still there, and I wanted it to go away. And where were Natsu and the others?! I looked around, and my feet kept moving forward, making me bump into something…or someone I realized as I looked up. It was a man, and he was smiling down at me. He had a gold tooth… and his eyes… they were black. Who is this…?_

_"Hey there. You lost?" he asked, inching closer. I took a step back, and my eyes noticed his guild mark. He was in the dark guild…the one we were meaning to defeat. Oh no… I need to beat him, or at least stall him. What do I do? Should I just start fighting or should I just… "talk" with him?_

_"Actually yes, can you help me?" I asked as sweetly as I could muster. He took another step towards me, and had to make sure that the step I took back didn't seem to forced. He gave a slow smile, and I gave a grimace in return. _

_"I sure can. How about you come with me? I live around here, ya know," he said. _

_Crap. No. I can't go with him. I guess it's now or never. I put up my hands in defense and said,_

_"Actually I ca—"_

_"SHIT!" he exclaimed loudly, cutting me off. My eyes widened. What happened? He was looking at something. I looked down at my hands, which was where he was staring. Oh…_

_"You're with Fairy Tail?! Shit! You little bitch! Come here!" He lunged towards me, and before I could react, he had me pinned against him, unable to move. _

_"Arghh! Get off of me!" I screamed loudly. He kept his hold. _

_Please… someone help me… please… please!_

_"Lucy!"_

_I looked up and saw Natsu rushing towards me. I grinned in relief. He's here! Damnit. Why do I always have to rely on him? The man who was holding me snapped his gaze up and saw Natsu. I watched as his eyes furrowed, and he let go of me, throwing me to the side. _

_"You fucker!" Natsu exclaimed, before landing a blow on the man's face. I watched in awe, as Natsu started to beat him up to a pulp without even using his magic. He really is amazing… I smiled, thinking how blessed I was to be his friend. When the man fell down, unconscious, Natsu walked over to me and helped me up. _

_"Geesh Lucy. You weirdo… you could have used your spirits to help you out, ya know… are you okay?" he asked. _

_I smiled at him, and he let go of my hand, as I brushed myself off. _

_"Yeah I'm fine. Thanks Natsu," I said. He grinned. _

_"No problem. Well anyways, I was looking for you because I wanted to tell you that we found their hideout! It's in some giant tree! We're meeting up again and we're taking caution because Erza said they might be dangerous. Ha! I'll beat them to a pulp no matter how strong they are! I do kind of wonder where they are though…" he trailed off. I stared at him, and smirked. _

_"Uh Natsu?" I asked. He focused his gaze back on me. _

_"Yeah?" he asked. My smirk turned into a grin as I pointed at the unconscious man on the ground._

_"He's one of the guild members," I stated. Natsu looked at the man, back at me, back at the man, and then back at me before saying,_

_"Wait… what?! That guy was nothing! Damnit! You're saying they aren't strong? Damnit! Then I need to fight them first so the ice princess doesn't get the chance to!" he declared. My grin broadened. _

_"Figures you would say that…" I murmured._

_He just gave me another cheeky grin and slung his arm over my shoulder. I leaned against him as we started walking. I haven't told him yet but I was pretty sure I was in love with him… but come on. I've known him for… five years now? He was **still** pretty dense, so I wasn't going to confess just yet. But I was happy with that. Really. I smiled, as I placed my head over his shoulder._

_However, just before I closed my eyes, something caught my eye. It was over his other shoulder, so he wouldn't see, but it looked to be something… like a sharp object. It was moving towards us… straight at him. The thoughts whirled around in my mind so fast, and what was happened caught up with me as I hastily pushed Natsu out of the way, making me completely vulnerable. _

_Great…_

_Pain. _

_Everything was in slow motion as I looked down and observed the offending spear, which was currently thrust in my chest. I felt my legs give out as I fell down on my knees. I heard something… a scream? Whose was it? My head snapped up and I saw Natsu staring at me, eyes wide with horror maybe?_

_Something poured out of my mouth and as I looked down, I saw the thick, red blood all over me. I blinked slowly. Everything was so slow…Natsu was in front of me. _

_He laid me back, and I could see tears. He was crying? But… but why? He was grinning only minutes ago… how can one go from grinning to crying in such a short time? He was saying something. I couldn't hear him._

_ I needed sleep… I felt so tired. I just… felt so… tired. _

_I tried to close my eyes, but Natsu shook me back away. I frowned at him, coughing up more blood. Why couldn't he let me sleep? I saw his mouth moving in such a frantic rush, but I still couldn't understand him. All I could understand were the tears streaming down his face. I smiled. I saw love too. He loved me. _

_Oh good. I guess… I guess I can confess when I wake back up… yeah. That… that sounds… really… good. _

_My eyes drifted shut… and I waited for sleep to take me, as I lied there thinking of nothing but the future. _

_I-I'm sure I'll have a great future ahead of me. Haha especially since the dense idiot actually had feelings for me right? Oh yeah… didn't I save him too? Ha, I-Im going to use that against h-him…when I wake u—_

* * *

**_*So now you know. Do you know what happened? Basically, Lucy pushed Natsu out of the way from a spear being thrown at from what I assume would be another guild member, but that's up to the reader. Haha and yeah. No last words. Sorry, but I'm not into that. I didn't really imagine her death to be something so long... I was really thinking that it would be pretty quick actually. I mean long deaths are MORE tragic, but I really didn't want to do that. Well, I hope you enjoyed this, and most likely the next chapter will be the last, and probably pretty long too. :) Okay well bai now. _**

**_Bai guys. :D_**

**_-DiAnna44 :/_**

My Fanfiction Twitter Account- **/TheDiAnna44#**

My FanFiction Facebook Page- **DiannaFanFictionWriter**


	6. Part 6

**Part 6:**

Everything was silent.

I am not even exaggerating.

There was literally _no sound whatsoever._

I stood, frozen on the spot, staring at everybody who all seemed to be staring at me.

What the hell?

C-can they _see_ me?!

"Lucy?" Wendy asked, breaking the creepy silence. She seemed afraid, but yet she still took a step towards me. I only nodded, but didn't speak. I was still afraid that they wouldn't be able to hear me now that they could see me.

Although it doesn't do much good now does it?

I'm still dead.

_Natsu!_

I suddenly remembered once more what I had literally just recalled.

Natsu…oh my god. I bet he's _crushing_ himself up. He blames himself, I know he does, because if it happened in reverse, I know that I would probably blame myself for the rest of eternity. Oh Natsu…I whipped my head around trying to find him, but I couldn't see him?

Huh?

Where was he?

I felt arms around me. I stiffened. I felt a breath on me. It was warm…and I knew it was Natsu.

"Lucy," he breathed. "Finally…I can actually _see_ you."

I blinked slowly. He just confirmed it. They can actually _see_ me now…why?

"Umm…" I started to say, but then trailed off, still confused. They were all just _staring_…damnit it was pretty uncomfortable.

"Would you please stop staring at me?!" I snapped at them. They all widened their eyes in surprise and Natsu chuckled, not letting go of me.

Damnit…if they didn't stop staring at me with that pure expression of…of…of _hope_ on their faces, then I was going to burst out into more tears. I was going to…any minute now…

"I guess it really is you, right Lucy?" Gray broke the silence. I just frowned at him, still unsure of how to react.

"Yeah…" I mumbled, trailing off. I looked around the guild watching expressions go from sadness to anxiety and then to a mixed doubtful happiness. However, my gaze stopped on one particular person who was standing by the guild doors.

It was Mavis, and as far as I could tell, she was invisible to everyone right now.

She motioned me over, and I frowned not wanting to take away the happiness that my family just received right away.

She only smiled at my immediate reaction, but kept motioning forward before flicking her head around the guild. I understood, and the weird thing was…I didn't even knew what I "understood".

I just knew that I understood. I shuffled out of Natsu's grasp, and he grunted, but I rushed over to the guild doors. I glanced back at Fairy Tail and gasped,

"So…I'm coming right back, but don't follow me, because if you do, then I won't."

There. That should keep Natsu from coming after me.

Once I was outside, Mavis stopped walking as well. And before I could even say anything, she was hugging me.

"I'm so sorry Lucy…I really am… I mean, I know it's not my fault…but you should not have died this young. You were…no _are_ such a _good_ person, and it really isn't fair, but you know what you have to do, right? And after this… you're free," she whispered. I shivered, and hugged her back.

I didn't want this.

I started to cry then. My whole body was shivering from the choked, broken sobs that I was crying.

The tears flowed, endlessly, down my face, as I buried my head in Mavis's shoulder. She just held on, and I could feel her shaking too.

W-was she crying as well?

Of course…she's dead too…maybe this reminds her of her… that only made my tears worse.

I felt physically _broken._ My whole body couldn't stop shaking, and my eyes were starting to hurt from how tight I scrunched them up to try and stop the crying.

But the tears continued on.

And I knew they would always be continuing on, even if I am supposedly "free".

I just wanted my life back.

I mean, was that really so hard to ask for?

Why couldn't _I have my life back?!_

_Why?!_

I sniffled, and tried pushing Mavis away, but she only shook her head and said,

"This will be the last time to let it all go Lucy. Just. Let. The. Tears. Flow," she stated.

Damn…was she trying…to…help?

I cried, sobbing helplessly at the thought of no future.

Why did this have to be so hard…why…**why?!**

"I-I don't want to leave them!" I said. Mavis only listened.

"I-I-I don't want to leave them!" I repeated as more tears followed as if it were a endless cycle.

"I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, finally letting go all of the anger and frustration as well as the _sadness._

Most of all…the _loss. _The **_pain._**

My heart was _breaking_ all over again, and I wasn't sure if I could actually handle it this time. I didn't want to. I really didn't. I didn't want to be in this _situation._

**_Why?!_**

And why can I not stop crying?

Mavis only held me listening to my cries and screams echo around us. My eyes hurt so much, and my throat was becoming sore, but I still wasn't done.

This _pain was not done with me. _

"Why Mavis?" I whispered so softly, I was afraid that maybe she didn't even hear me. She did and answered back just as softly,

"Because life is cruel Lucy…that's why."

I only nodded. Yes. Life is cruel. Life is the leading cause of death. It's what took away my mother. It's what took away Michelle. It's what made me hate my father.

_Life is __**cruel.**_

Although…life can be happy too.

I've had so many happy moments in my life, and I am glad that I survived all of those cruelties just to have those moments.

Meeting Natsu…meeting Erza and Gray…meeting _everybody._

Helping others and saving lives…yeah…those are good memories.

But…but the ones where Natsu would fall asleep on my shoulder by accident, or where the whole guild is fighting like usual…now those are the _great_ memories, and now…and now that I was gone, I just wished that I appreciated it more when I was _with them_.

_Still alive. _

I shut my eyes, and unlatched myself from Mavis's grasp.

This is my last time.

That is true, and now…now I think I am finally done letting it all out. I turned towards the guild, and looked over my shoulder at Mavis who was smiling sadly.

"Thank you so much Mavis…" I whispered. Her smile stayed in place, but she giggled slightly. I gave a soft smile, and started to walk towards the guild doors.

Last time.

This is also the last time I have to be strong.

Because I am.

I. Am. _Strong._

…

The guild fell into a hushed silence as I walked through the guild doors for what I already knew to be the last time.

Before anyone could say anything, I spoke, walking towards Natsu and Wendy.

"I have to leave now guys," I started.

Almost immediately, shouts of pretests voiced and echoed around the guild, but it was Natsu's who was the loudest and clearest.

"Lucy… please don't go," he begged. He walked towards me, completely broken, and I stared at him, as impassive as I could be. I failed at it.

"Natsu…" I whispered. I shifted my gaze to my feet. I brought my gaze back up to meet his eyes. He was almost right in front of me.

"Natsu, I have to ," I declared, softly. He grasped my shoulders, and I wondered vaguely if he had always been this tall.

"No. You don't," he declared, much louder than me. I just shut my eyes for a brief second, unable to lock gazes with him. Finally, they opened to meet those wonderfully black eyes of his.

"Yeah I do. I'm selfish Natsu. I _want_ to leave. I mean…out of the choices of either staying here, _dead_, or going off to some afterlife…Natsu I choose the afterlife. I want to be _free_.

Do…do you know how _painful_ it is staying here, and watching your best friends go on with their lives, _miserable_ at the moment? I _want_ to come back. I want to _so badly_, but I am _dead_ Natsu. It's…it's just as simple as that," I said. Suddenly, Natsu's grip on my shoulders tightened as he said frantically,

"But what if there's a way to bring you back! I mean. There could be an—"

"Natsu, stop it," I cut it. "You know…you know that's not possible."

His shoulders slumped, and I just leaned against his chest for a few seconds before pulling away. He was still the only one who could actually _feel _me. The others could only see me and hear me, but for some reason…Natsu could interact with me just like another human being.

I sighed, not letting into crying anymore…plus I didn't feel like it. I guess I really did let out all of my tears earlier on with Mavis…that's good. I don't want to cry in front of them. That would just cause them more pain. I grimaced.

I turned to face everybody else, and breathed in deeply.

"All right guys…I don't want to say good bye, because…I feel as if I say good bye then you'll forget about me, so I'm just going to say, you guys are seriously the best. You gave me a home, a job, support, need, want, love, and most of all…_family._

You're my _family, _every last one of you. And I mean…I'm not happy that I'm dead, but I am, and you and I are just going to have to accept that, and…I have. I hope that you can too…ermm…yeah this is weird, and even…even though _now_ I am trying really hard to _not_ cry, I think I'm about to if I keep talking. Okay wait! First…

Wendy, don't break too many guy's hearts, and also even if there comes a time where you love someone who seems completely wrong…just _go with it._"

Wendy gave a sad smile as tears fell slowly on her cheeks.

"Erza…you are amazing, and continue to look after all of these boneheads around here, okay? I will miss you so much…" She nodded, and looked away, but I saw the glistening wetness on her cheeks as well.

"Gray…just _stop it already with the stripping! _Seriously, oh and you need to _really_ get with Juvia already." I smirked, and strained laughs flitted across the room. Juvia started to say something, but I kept talking.

I felt that I didn't have much time…

"Okay…well I know that I don't have much time left, and trust me, I don't know how. Just know…that well…thank you so much for everything."

That's all I had to say, and I walked around, to hug everyone, holding back my tears.

I will not cry.

When I finally reached Natsu, the last hug, we embraced for what seemed forever until I pulled away and said,

"You know… I loved you too Natsu. No…I mean I know that this doesn't make it any easier for you, but I still do love you. You were the _best_ person that I knew and I hope you will always be who you are in the future.

_Never_ change, not for anybody. I don't regret meeting you Natsu, and I do not regret saving your life. I love you, and well…bye Natsu," I practically smiled my words, and I watched as he cried. He opened his mouth and said something, but I couldn't hear anything.

All I saw was myself fading away, and I watched as he started to freak out, crying harder, sobbing.

I gave a tight smile, and I knew that this was the end.

Finally.

I looked down at Natsu, and held my hand to his Fairy Tail mark.

Fairy Tail.

My home.

My _family._

Guess what?

I looked down at Natsu again, and he said another thing, but I knew what he said. I smiled. I am Natsu trust me. I am. I love you, and thank you. I closed my eyes, and felt myself fade away into nothing but a haze.

**_"You're free."_**

I'm _free._

* * *

**_*Oh my god. I finished. I'm done. That was it….I feel a great sense of loss and achievement now that I am finished. I really hope that you liked reading this story as much as I love writing it. I hope that this brought some form of entertainment or tears…or whatever. Thank you dear readers and could you leave a review on what you thought of the story? Please? Well…_**

**_Bai guys. _**

**_-DiAnna44 :)_**

My Fanfiction Twitter Account- **/TheDiAnna44#**

My FanFiction Facebook Page- **DiannaFanFictionWriter**


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